Hammer v. Gavel

All rise. Judge Casey Scheiner presiding, Humanities Court of Davidson College is now in session. 
Today, we will be hearing arguments in Hammer v. Gavel. Plaintiff is suing to challenge Defendant’s perceived dominion over justice. First, would Plaintiff like to introduce themselves?

Good morning, your honor. I represent Hammer, a building tool available to all, in this matter. My clients include all the extrajudicial methods of promoting justice, from non-profits to education to plain kindness.

Now, would Defendant like to introduce themselves?

Good morning, your honor. I represent Gavel, a physical embodiment of the law, in this matter. My clients include all the ways that the legal system can promote justice, from local law enforcement to state court rulings to federal statutes.

To address the jury observing this trial—please take in the ensuing proceedings with a watchful eye towards justice and how Gavel and Hammer help facilitate or obstruct justice. This jury need not determine an absolute victor. The Court asks only that you assess each party’s role in justice. 

Before we hear opening statements, this Court would like to recognize some amicus curiae. 

Thank you to the Humanities professors: Dr. Bory, Dr. Bowles, Dr. Boyer, Dr. Jankovic, Dr. Lipsker, and Dr. Pyle. Your testimony has transformed this Court’s understanding of justice.

Thank you to all of the Humanities fellows for everything you do. This courtroom could not run without you. In particular, the Court applauds Alana Atnip and Judah Silverman for their help every week in the study of justice and the humanities.

Thank you to all of the Humesters for the joy you bring to this Court every time you appear. The Humanities Court of Davidson College is a happier, smarter, better place with you involved in it.